His Highness: Carrying a Silent Vow to Serve with Humility


Magnanimous, dignity man.

A Quiet Marker of Life

The above phrase appears verbatim on my horoscope, but over time, it has become a quiet marker of how I move through life. I don’t approach people with calculated intent, nor do I barricade myself from the world. Instead, I move mindfully, engaging where there is willingness, learning where there is depth, and offering where there is room to receive.

The Challenge of Misinterpretation

Yet, even in this considered approach, understanding is not always assured—intentions can be reshaped by perception, and meaning can be lost in translation. I’ve seen how those who grew up in emotional scarcity, can turn vulnerability into sport. In a memorable encounter, I recall one particular girl—socially awkward, raised in a home where care was likely spread thin:

Honouring Silent Contribution

At first, I felt an unspoken social obligation—not to her alone, but also toward the quiet labour of care her own family endured because her mother was a professional nanny. I’ve seen how roles like hers often come at a quiet cost to their own families. Recognizing that dynamic, I instinctively extended generosity—as both a nod to the support her mother embodied and a nurturing gesture toward the girl so as not to pass her by unseen for her small acts of help, showing up in quiet ways and subtly supporting our household in ways she may not even have realized. So I reciprocated, inviting her in, offering food, creating space where she could exist without expectation.

The Illusion of Connection

She carried that absence in the way she wove denial and emotional misdirection into her subtle teasing; a capricious game of shifting moods and playful deflections. To her, testing someone with empathetic inclinations was not cruelty—it was entertainment. Her behaviour was as unpredictable as a fleeting dance of light on water, choosing transient amusement—a poster example of ephemeral engagement that prizes momentary diversion over lasting connection.

Rethinking Generosity

Reflecting further, I’ve come to see that the gap in understanding generosity isn’t solely an issue of personal history. The lived realities shaped by economic constraints also colour how giving is perceived. For those whose daily experience is marked by practicality and immediate need, unguarded acts of selfless care can seem both unexpected and perplexing.

In this light, even gestures meant to heal can be misread—dismissed as irrational rather than recognized as pure, if unconventional, compassion. It reminds me of a story in which a man, moved by instinctive generosity, exchanges his fine clothing for the tattered garments of a beggar—not as charity, but as a quiet recognition of dignity. Yet, when the beggar later testifies in court, his worldview does not allow for such an act to be perceived as kindness. Instead, he declares it as madness, unwittingly sealing his benefactor’s fate in a system that cannot make sense of unguarded generosity. It is a sobering reflection on how lived realities shape our ability to receive and interpret care, and how—without shared understanding—giving can be mistaken for recklessness rather than reverence.

Embracing Purposeful Generosity

In the end, I recognized that I wasn’t truly meeting her need—I was fulfilling a role in a game she never intended to sustain; a fleeting engagement that was never intended to yield genuine reciprocity. And in that realization, a piece of me shifted. I lost one way of freely offering kindness, yet gained an understanding that generosity must be extended only when there is a recognized willingness to receive, and more importantly, I no longer assume that being understood is the same as being valued.

I once carried magnanimity as a gift freely offered, but now I recognize it as energy that must be placed with precision. I embrace a vision of purposeful generosity—where connection is cultivated rather than forced, and where wisdom dictates the flow of my presence.

The transformation wasn’t about becoming harder—though I did traverse that phase—it was about becoming clearer. And in that clarity, I walk with a different awareness—not less willing to engage, but more attuned to where my energy truly belongs—primarily with myself. The version of me that once grinned easily would have given freely without hesitation. I stand as my own benefactor, quietly expecting the reverence and loyalty that come from honoring the dignity of one’s inner worth.


Honouring My Father’s Legacy

This year has been a journey of profound transformation — not only in technology but in life itself. As I celebrate 28 years of bajaj.com, I find myself reflecting on the legacy shaped by my father.

We lost dad in April this year. His sense of unwavering responsibility, ownership, and honesty continues to live on within me, guiding each step.

This site has evolved over the years — from the early days of shared hosting to self-sufficiency and new innovations. So, too, has my understanding of what truly endures. The systems change, the platforms evolve, but the lessons he imparted remain steadfast as the content that defines this blog.

This space has always been about connection, learning, and documentation. Now, in his absence, it also becomes a subtle yet profound reminder of how the past shapes our present. This month, as I mark another milestone in our journey with newly-introduced AImèe, our AI author and posting assistant, I pause to honour him. His presence is missed in witnessing this yet another miracle of technology.

Thank you, Dad — for the deep wisdom, valuable lessons and rich emotions.

Home Lab III

The main cost with every new host is that it needs a monitored, smart uninterruptible power supply (UPS), preferably a dedicated one due to its limitations of a one-to-one physical connection to a single host Securing multiple hosts wherein one provides the UPS monitoring data to the others might introduce points of failure preventing the graceful shutdown of those other hosts, though I have set that up untested with my fingers crossed.

This is why one computer that does the work of four, such as one with 256 GB RAM, a 48 virtual core processor, and many more PCIe lanes for multi-port network interface and storage controllers that can be passed through to virtual machines. It might be prudent to consolidate even at a cost equal to the sum of individual computers for such a system, since it eliminates the hassle of sharing a UPS and likely consumes less electricity with lower heat dissipation than four physical PCs, and allowing greater runtime when on battery power.

A reputed, well-supported, smart and especially a rack mountable UPS is obtained through a B2B reseller, which translates to higher costs and hassles of both initial acquisition and periodic battery replacement.

Consider these additional “costs” as well:

You need a cool secure space away from possible water damage, with hardware either locked up or at least not having accessible removable external storage that is easy to steal.

To access the PC at the console for maintenance, you might also need an IP KVM switch, usually one for each PC, especially if distributed due to space constraints or to mitigate the risk of physical loss. I use slower, somewhat glitchy, host bus-powered single-port nano KVMs for occasional management rather than an expensive multi-port one that I only ever had in the wired VGA/USB era. A higher-tier Pi KVM is reserved for accessing the Intel-based Mac mini server remotely since there is no Apple Remote Desktop (ARD) for non-Mac clients and VNC viewer does not scale the display resulting in a scrolling mess.

This of course makes sense only if one does not require physically separate hosts such as for high availability or locational diversity. Not having a remote location except a t2.micro (1 GB RAM) FreeBSD instance on AWS, I have chosen to separate hosts across floors, coupled with automated off-site backup. The basement utility closet with the water supply has a wall-mounted (hence off the floor) mini rack for the essentials at the utility point of entry, whereas the larger and noisy equipment like a NAS with 7200 RPM spinning drives, and a Proxmox host is across the passage on the same floor on a non-conductive wood stand with feet.

File-level backups of configuration files backed up to the NAS from the various services are synced to TrueNAS SCALE (see Home Lab II) as a second copy two floors up, with ZFS snapshots of that copy to TrueNAS CORE in a full-sized rack starting this quarter once I order, receive and set up TrueNAS Mini R in the full-sized rack upstairs. A very costly unit once outfitted with under-provisioned power-safe data centre grade SATA SSDs for performance storage in addition to quiet NAS HDDs.

I would not put noisier surveillance HDDs in a NAS unit that I could already hear from across the hallway, considering the ambient sound level is 32 dB without, and the Mini R is stated to be 45 dB. Noise is a price I don’t ever pay, so I might have to move systems around if the security NVR project ever gets off the ground.

Off-site backups are automatically uploaded on a schedule to one or more cloud storage providers. Often, there’s an additional cost for proprietary cloud backup with dissimilar products given that even S3-compatible storage integration does not work as universally as intended.

Home Lab II

I added a new PC (system76 Thelio Prime) as a node to make a Proxmox cluster, and in doing so expand the services and robustness of my home lab. Equipped similarly with 24 virtual CPU cores and 64 GB RAM as the original host, except being AMD Ryzen 9900X with PCIe 5.0 for higher IOPS.

The second NVMe slot on the mini-ITX motherboard being PCIe 4.0 – and hence likely in a separate IOMMU group – gave me an unexpected advantage of being able to make it my future network-attached SSD by passing that controller through to TrueNAS in a VM, hosting Nextcloud. This makes for an insanely powerful NAS compared to the Synology DS-1019+. A similarly powerful pre-built one would have cost thousands of dollars just to get the processing capability and otherwise would be overkill in the number of drive bays and thus fan noise and power consumption. A single backed-up SSD is adequate for me; and as a courtesy reminder – RAID is not a backup plan.

Next year will add an additional performance tier of onsite backups using ZFS snapshots to TrueNAS Mini R ZRAID pool 3 × 6TB, in addition to the existing file-level onsite backups to Synology DS-1019+ BTRFS pool 5 × 4TB over NFS.

The NVIDIA 4060 Ti GPU pass-through enabled a gorgeous Ubuntu remote desktop for when I need to work in Linux, so I don’t have to rely solely on Windows Services for Linux (WSL) on my portable computer. This being unstable over RDP has been set aside as of this writing. I use Spiral Linux (or Bodhi Linux for slimmer) if I need a GUI but not necessarily remote desktop.

These are of course just some of the building blocks and more services are becoming production ready for 2025.

Lessons learnt:

My next PC would definitely not have a motherboard that maxes out at 64 GB (effectively just over 60 GB) RAM. 128 GB is more appropriate for how much processor you’re leaving on the table without the RAM to utilize it in typical loads. The computer hardware itself is the relatively easy part, the bigger consideration when acquiring an additional host is power, both as in consumption and reliable availability thereof, plus accessories, as I will discuss in my next post.

Home Lab I

I had bought a new PC in 2022 to revisit Linux after my initial troubles a quarter century prior.

The fan noise of the (Dell XPS 8950) computer never let me use it stationed next to me for long. It went on a shelf in the rack cabinet as a Wake-on-LAN (WoL) remote access (RDP) Windows OS device. RDP on desktop-focused Linux distros did not work in a typical headless setup i.e. without both the dummy display plug and sacrilegious autologin user. The PC in any event seemed wastefully underutilized considering I have reservations about the use of capable hardware (24 virtual CPU cores) for trivial purposes and that made me both uncomfortable with tolerating its power draw (Intel i9-12900) and resistant to the grating noise.

I was recently intrigued by the Type 1 hypervisor Proxmox how-to, and that opened up a new world of PCIe passthrough that included concurrent use of both the Windows 11 OS using passthrough with the NVIDIA 3060 Ti, to deliver an equivalent experience over RDP to that of the OS running on bare metal as it was previously, and one or more virtual machines (VMs) of Debian or any other Linux distro used for servers without a local GUI using the virtualized on-board Intel graphics.

I could somewhat justify the existence and power draw with the PC being productive 24×7, the on-demand ability to remotely fire up Windows OS as needed, and while allowing me to run experimental VMs alongside. Next was getting the PC to run quieter yet cooler, for which the quickest fix was replacing both 120 mm chassis fans with Noctua fans.

I tend to use hardware that was cutting edge two years ago, usually over-spec for the job but running at or below spec for reliability, so burned-in and with mature Linux kernel support by the time it is deployed. This one was especially new since it underwent a motherboard change in its first year.

This is the kind of productivity I have always wanted, access to multiple machines over RDP and SSH, running in virtual desktops on my Windows on arm portable, that I can swipe through, snapshot, rollback, backup and restore.

Year of the (Snap)dragon ’24

The most significant change in CPU architecture in almost 4 decades of computing for me comes in the form of the Qualcomm (remember Eudora Pro?) made SoC, Snapdragon X Elite.

I had always wondered about RISC, having read about DEC Alpha, MIPS, Sun Sparc and Intel iA64.  None of those, if at all attainable, ran consumer operating systems.  My first non-x86 experience was with the Apple M1 Pro-based MacBook Pro in 2021, which by 2024 had software support to virtualize Windows on arm OS.  I was amazed at the smooth x86-64 Windows OS apps compatibility and decided to go bare metal with the Samsung Book4 Edge.

I am quite certain after 6 weeks that this is a great choice for right now since it has WiFi7 and, as a Copilot+ PC, early access to Windows 11 24H2 features; else the Samsung Book4 Ultra with Intel Meteor Lake and WiFi 6E [or upcoming Book5 360 with Intel Lunar Lake and WiFi7] would have served me better for native software availability.

Linux Revisited 2023

I bought a PC in the Summer of 2022 after 15 years, with the intention of re-exploring Linux on a separate SSD. The hardware being secure boot capable with Microsoft Windows 11 OS and having an NVIDIA graphics card, narrowed the choice of Linux distribution literally to what “sort of works” in that combination, as I write this in early 2023.

I started with the üniversal choice – Ubuntu seemed to install fine including the proprietary NVIDIA drivers with secure boot, but wouldn’t boot up post install. Pop!_OS was pretty much the same except it did not support secure boot.

Fedora Linux showed the most promise, but it was after weeks of struggling that the Arch Linux wiki helped me wrangle a display from the graphical login manager. Rocky Linux and RHEL were a smoother experience save the suffocating dearth of basic software.

I have maintained since my first experience with Red Hat Linux in 1999, that Linux (distributions), and by extension Android, is a hack job. The fragmentation in Linux led me to FreeBSD (for servers) twenty years ago. For a hot backup OS I have a perfected Windows 11 Pro image on the original SSD, that accesses the same external NAS data as the Linux install.

Read my follow up post

Should I profess my love?

If a person is clearly available and has not explicitly excluded you as a potential suitor, then conventional wisdom suggests, of course! The worst answer you can get for asking is, “No”, and as such you’d be no worse off than having not asked. That is simply not the case in many situations, because one is obviously not hitting on a stranger when professing one’s love – and as such risks jeopardising their existing relationship with this person.

So, well, “No”, and possibly they then immaturely go off and tell everyone that you hit on them (adding in whatever to make you sound creepy) and to avoid you. In any event, there’s a more evolved reason than rejection, shaming and embarrassment to keep one’s feelings to oneself.

It’s about not burdening another person to carry the weight of your feelings for them just so you can get it off your chest; when there are clear indicators that this person would not, for whatever reason, be interested, able or willing to reciprocate. If you know it would not change a thing except the satisfaction of having vented, but with the possibility of losing the proverbial bird in hand.

PC vs Mac

My biggest argument in switching to a Mac 15 years ago was that I would rather be hardware-constrained by Apple than software-constrained by Microsoft. A lot has changed with Macs, starting with the T2 chip post-2015, to on-device scanning of images in 2021. Plus forced obsolescence of software, and with Apple Silicon, missing macOS features on Intel hardware. I am now both hardware and software constrained by Apple.

The last straw was when, as per my previous post on this subject —

I would be dependent on Apple to release parts to me at their discretion and have to needlessly suffer downtime

Mac vs PC

Apple in its high-handedness, refused to replace my Watch battery since they require that the watch battery be down to 79% of its charging capacity to authorize a battery replacement.

The cost of Apple hardware apart, macOS holds not much appeal.

Ownership
I would literally rather run Windows 11 on a Mac than macOS on a PC, considering how much slack Microsoft has recently allowed in activating Windows, thereby ensuring a user’s data isn’t held ransom if one is offline. In contrast, many essential third-party macOS apps have adopted subscription and online authentication to login to local apps, preventing or limiting their offline use.

Usability
macOS Messages and Mail show no contact names without native CardDAV support, but at least with Windows it can be hacked in to perform relatively flawlessly. Mail app activity never ceases when one or more non-Exchange Microsoft accounts are added, and it’s been that way since Mac OS X Snow Leopard. Since then, Windows OS has evolved more into what Mac OS X Tiger and Leopard used to be; “it just works”.

Reliability
The infamous BSOD (Blue Screen of Death) or STOP error seems rarer on Windows, than a kernel panic on macOS since Catalina, and the odds of the latter seem to go up with additional processor cores. Sleep mode that Windows 98 never woke from is a thing of the past, whereas its the Mac Pro with macOS Big Sur that doesn’t automatically sleep when ‘Power Nap’ is disabled.

Performance
Mac Pro hardware feels underpowered or not as optimized, from how slow Finder is at file operations over the network (NFS and especially SMB) compared to Windows Explorer. Add to that, both 3 x 3 MIMO 802.11ac on the Intel Mac Pro and 2 x 2 MIMO 802.11ax on the Apple M1 Pro MacBook Pro far underperform my Dell PC “Killer WiFi” 2 x 2 MIMO 802.11ax. Apple Remote Desktop or Screen Sharing too refreshes slower and has poorer graphics quality over 2.5 Gbps wired Ethernet versus Microsoft Remote Desktop over 5 GHz WiFi 6, each accessed over 5 GHz WiFi 6 using their respective clients.

Recovery
I no longer find my previous issue of having to reinstall and reconfigure the operating system, updates and applications from scratch a deal breaker in choosing Windows OS. All considered, disk imaging is the least painful and bulletproof [backup and] restore strategy for any modern OS.

Self Help

I’ve always been into optimizing so self improvement came naturally. I’ve listened to practically every opinion and doctrine, and you know that when you’ve heard more or less the same things in rotation over and over from self help gurus.

A friend once told me that I already had all the answers I needed. That was a wonderful revelation. We do indeed tend to discount our own counsel.

So after years and years of searching for more and having nobody come up with anything noteworthy I knew it was time to stop listening to everyone because they have nothing left to contribute.

My take away is:

  • Stop being a lifelong learner. Decide how much knowledge is enough. Then start integrating what you’ve learnt.
  • Listen to yourself, logically. Not self-indulgently. What you really want. You knew when you were 10 – they say go for what you wanted at that age. Likely because people reprioritize, losing sight of and forgetting what really makes them happy, instead pursuing their corrupt ideas thereof.
  • Have a sense of causality. It usually follows recognizing that one has agency, the privilege of choice, and the exercise of those choices causes outcomes for ourselves and others, both positive and negative.