The mantra about ending a marriage based on, “It’s better for children to not grow up with their parents in an unhappy marriage” is typical feminist pork for putting one’s happiness before that of one’s children, to divorce women from the responsibility that comes with being a parent. Despite anti-male activism and exalting pro-divorce, anti-children values, these feminists call for mother-headed households!
Marriage and children are a commitment — it can be joyful, challenging, stressful or even downright miserable; but that is life itself. When there are marital troubles such feminist-minded women seize the opportunity to manipulate the man to believe that it is his fault, then capitalize on his guilt to broker a deal on marital assets to become financially independent and exit the marriage to lead her dream life built upon the graves of the well-being of her children and ex-husband.
“Why is this happening to me?”
My answer is, “Drop the question”.
Why do we ask Why? It’s because we want an explanation to justify to ourselves why we need to accept a certain happening. However the pursuit of an answer overshadows and envelopes us, keeps us engrossed to the point where we lose sight of the reason we asked Why? in the first place.
We get entangled in a quagmire of questions in the pursuit of answers.
The question Why?, while thus starting out as a means to an end – the end being, getting an answer in order to be satisfied, and as such being able to move on – ends up becoming an end in itself – as in getting an answer becoming our focus, preventing us from actually moving on – and thus becomes an impediment to our happiness.
Any way we justify them, all explanations are just that; explanations; and are worthless as their pursuit detracts from being happy, regardless of what the answer is to the Why.
The definition of failure follows one’s ideas of what success is. I believe that success is being happy, yet unhappiness isn’t failure; it’s a temporary, passing condition, so recognize it for what it is.
Money may not be the answer to all problems but it does make life a bit easier. Knowing that you don’t have to choose between feeding your kids or yourself, you aren’t one paycheque from being homeless and your car won’t be repossessed, has to make you feel a little happy. But beyond that, there are completely miserable and bitter wealthy people. Many truly believe (even if it’s subconscious) that the diamond ring will make them happy, that luxury goods will make them happy, the big house will make them happy. It doesn’t.
The problem is that people don’t seem to realize that no amount of money or “things” will ever bring any kind of real “life satisfaction”. It will bring some comfort, luxury and ease of living (maybe), but nothing more. Not even if money is simply considered a form of security, because they are tons of financially secure miserable people.
While arrogance or lack thereof is all about character and not how much you have in your pocket, money and/or the stuff, anything from a 2-carat diamond ring to placate the wife at home to the women at the strip club that you buy with that money, does exacerbate the problem. He who has the gold, makes the rules. Sometimes the money maker is not arrogant, the people (family members, friends) around the money maker, using his/her money are arrogant.
Then people crave something more, something priceless that money can’t buy. Like love. But unfortunately, once they find love, they forget why they sought love in the first place; because money and everything it could buy, bought them no happiness. So they look for money to complement the love, which is reasonable to the point it fulfils one’s basic needs, not numbs one to reality and brings one back into the situation where one was willing to swap money for love.
Do not seek to be loved at any price, because love has no price.
— Paulo Coelho
The biggest destroyer of oneself are one’s beliefs, if such beliefs lead to other than one’s happiness. We emotionally cling on to and defend our beliefs as defined by our observations, deductions and experience, even contorting logic to support and reinforce them, so they become irrefutable facts. Our reality then becomes how we see and interpret the world through this window.
“Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.”
— Alan Alda
If you lack or want to change something in your life, ask yourself what that is – what would be the perfect scenario for you, whether the cooperation of others is needed and if so are they willing to cooperate and what are the terms on which you want to lead your life. Most importantly reflect on whether it would lead to your ultimate happiness.
Make choices in your mind; your life will then begin to align itself with your goals. You would have made your mind work for you by carving a path for yourself, rather than you being an instrument of your mind.
A sense of trust allows us to connect with people and share intimacy of thought, which is key to happiness.
Most people are so closed that it bothers me; such as when I talk to a little girl and she does not answer, feeling awkward or hesitant likely due to the conditioning of her parents and friends about not talking to strangers or worse, being afraid of pedophiles. Such closed people may never be harmed by another person in their lifetimes, but they are certainly harming themselves on an ongoing basis, like dying a slow, painful death in anticipation of one’s death, rather than living one’s life to the fullest for however long one has to live. However people don’t realize this and spend their lives in pursuit of one special relationship with a significant other, to the exclusion of people at large, and then wonder why they feel lonely and disconnected in the absence of that one person.
People who are uninhibited spread joy to others who are similarly open to connecting with people. Beyond an open mind, radiate a warmth; initiate or respond with a smile, wave, handshake, hug or conversation; all work wonders to make us happy as a collective.
Hope is like a drug; one takes it and forgets one’s sorrows. Like any other drug, when the intoxication wears, one feels miserable. Hope is more dangerous and addictive than any other drug, because it is legal, encouraged, free and readily available, and when the illusion is shattered, one sinks into a greater depression.
We hope everything will be better tomorrow, and it keeps us going today. How is that unlike taking a drug to take the edge off today?
When one accepts one’s circumstances, one becomes content and happy with one’s today, with the additional benefit of living one’s today to the fullest rather than living for the next day that may never come.
Most people treat the present moment as if it were an obstacle that they need to overcome. Since the present moment is Life itself, it is an insane way to live.
— Eckhart Tolle
It is not about resigning oneself to the belief that everything has a purpose, that everything happens for the best or that whatever happens is a blessing in disguise. It is about not enquiring as to why, and going with, “That is how it is”, regardless of reason, and that has an additional benefit of conserving one’s energy by not having to think about it in an attempt to justify one’s circumstances to oneself.
Acceptance is the permanent and universal cure to our temporary and changing circumstances.
We constantly seek security, whether it be money in the bank, owning as opposed to renting or job security. There is safety and comfort in permanence, or at least what we perceive as permanent. There are four factors to consider in our quest for the security of what we consider permanence:
- It indicates that we have no faith in the Divine or Universal Energy in providing for us as it has all along since we were conceived until we decided to take matters into our own hands.
- I feel the pursuit of permanence has an enslaving effect, and temporariness is liberating.
- Life itself is temporary, so it seems illogical to seek permanence in a temporary world.
- In the equation of life, there are many variables, and the only constant is change.
Is destiny pre-written or is the course of our lives in our own hands by virtue of our power of choice?
I believe destiny is the default setting, and choice is our ability to customize.
Life is like a game of cards; the hand you are dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will.
— Jawaharlal Nehru
It does not matter what one believes though. That would be akin to being concerned about the lock and neglecting the key. The key being acceptance of the situation, regardless of it being pre-destined or brought about by the exercise of our own choices.
What we believe, is of no consequence, if we do not use such belief to achieve the effect it is designed to deliver – that of acceptance of our situation.
Belief is a tool for achieving effects; it is not an end in itself.
— Peter Carroll
Anything and everything you hear from supportive family and friends, read in books or online, or understand through analytical thinking is moot, as those are no more than means to justify to your mind why things are the way they are. They are not solutions.
The bottom line, after you have changed what you can’t accept, is to ultimately make peace with your situation by accepting the culminating product of your choices.
Change what you can’t accept and accept what you can’t change.