We live in an era where overt racism is widely condemned, yet its quieter cousin—exclusionism—thrives in plain sight. It’s the curated dating profile that filters out entire ethnicities under the guise of “preferences”. It’s the job interview that ends before it begins because your accent doesn’t match the expected cadence. It’s the social circle that prides itself on diversity while subtly gatekeeping anyone who doesn’t drive, earn six figures, or speak in neurotypical rhythms.
Exclusionism is not new. But its rebranding as “honest standards” or “practical choices” makes it harder to call out—and easier to perpetuate.
🎭 The Disguise of “Preference”
Let’s be clear: preferences are not neutral. They are shaped by culture, media, and systemic bias. When someone says, “I just don’t date [insert race]”, or “I need someone who has their own place”, they’re not expressing a personal truth—they may be echoing a social script that prioritizes conformity, independence, and status over connection.
But what does “having your own place” really mean? Is it about emotional maturity—or just a proxy for financial privilege?
And when those preferences consistently filter out people of colour, disabled individuals, or those from marginalized backgrounds, it’s not just taste—it’s profiling.
A more inclusive lens might ask: Would I be open to living in a joint family if emotional independence and stability were present? Or Could I date someone who doesn’t drive if they can afford Ubers and show up reliably? These reframings shift the focus from rigid criteria to relational dynamics. Instead of filtering out difference, they invite nuance—and reveal whether a preference is truly personal or quietly exclusionary.
🧠 Intent Doesn’t Erase Impact
Many exclusionists, like many racists, don’t intend harm. They’re not burning crosses—they’re swiping left. They’re not shouting slurs—they’re citing “compatibility.” But the result is the same: entire groups of people are erased from consideration, not because of who they are, but because of what they represent to a biased worldview.
Exclusionism is racism with better PR.
🧬 The Myth of Meritocracy
Exclusionism thrives on the myth that worth is earned. That if you don’t drive, don’t work, don’t conform—you’re simply not trying hard enough. But what if your barriers are structural, not personal? What if your “undesirability” is a reflection of society’s failure to accommodate difference?
Exclusionism doesn’t ask those questions. It just filters you out. It rewards performative independence while punishing interdependence, especially when that interdependence is shaped by culture, disability, or economic reality. It celebrates the illusion of self-sufficiency—often propped up by privilege—and erases the nuanced ways people survive, connect, and care outside the dominant script.
🧭 The Moral Hypocrisy
Society condemns racism but celebrates exclusionism. It teaches young women to seek “leverage” in relationships, to optimize their lives through strategic partnerships. And when that leverage excludes coloured bodies, neurodivergent minds, or non-conforming souls, it’s not seen as prejudice—it’s seen as empowerment.
But empowerment that rests on exclusion is just prejudice with a manicure.
💥 The Call to Clarity
We must stop pretending that exclusionism is benign. It is not. It is the modern mechanism of discrimination—subtle, socially acceptable, and devastating. It is the reason why so many people feel invisible, unworthy, and unchosen.
And it’s time we called it what it is: the new racism.