🪟 The Window of Uncalculated Affection
There’s a time in adolescence—brief and fragile—where affection is given freely.
- No one’s keeping score.
- No one’s performing.
- Love is not yet a transaction.
But for girls, that window often begins closing far earlier. Before they even reach high school, they’re absorbing the message through media, peers, and even well-meaning adults—that:
- Their bodies are currency.
- Attention must be earned through performance.
- Love is something to be traded, not shared.
🧍♂️ My Son’s Memory: A Testament to Purity
My son’s memory of his high school girlfriend, before either of them understood the social games—is a testament to that purity. Before leverage, co-signing, or social capital entered the equation. It wasn’t about negotiation, performance, or positioning. That relationship wasn’t strategic. It was spontaneous. It was raw, unfiltered affection—something he hasn’t felt since. Age 16 isn’t the beginning—it’s the tipping point. By then, the conditioning is often complete.
💔 The Gendered Conditioning of Adolescence
- Girls and the Currency of Appearance: From a young age, girls are taught—explicitly and implicitly—that their value is tied to how they look and how they’re perceived. Media, peers, even well-meaning adults reinforce this.
- Boys and Emotional Detachment: While girls are often over-sexualized, boys are frequently discouraged from vulnerability.
🧠 The Psychology of the “Tipping Point”
- Age 16 as a Cultural Milestone: It’s not just about physical maturity—it’s when social hierarchies, romantic expectations, and identity pressures converge.
- Loss of Spontaneity: By this age, many teens have internalized the rules of engagement: who they’re “supposed” to be, how they’re “supposed” to love.
🌱 Mourning vs. Romanticizing Youth
- I’m not idealizing adolescence—I’m grieving what’s stolen from it.
- My call here is to protect emotional authenticity, to create spaces where affection isn’t a transaction but a gift.