Hope is like a drug; one takes it and forgets one’s sorrows. Like any other drug, when the intoxication wears, one feels miserable. Hope is more dangerous and addictive than any other drug, because it is legal, encouraged, free and readily available, and when the illusion is shattered, one sinks into a greater depression.
We hope everything will be better tomorrow, and it keeps us going today. How is that unlike taking a drug to take the edge off today?
When one accepts one’s circumstances, one becomes content and happy with one’s today, with the additional benefit of living one’s today to the fullest rather than living for the next day that may never come.
Most people treat the present moment as if it were an obstacle that they need to overcome. Since the present moment is Life itself, it is an insane way to live.
— Eckhart Tolle
It is not about resigning oneself to the belief that everything has a purpose, that everything happens for the best or that whatever happens is a blessing in disguise. It is about not enquiring as to why, and going with, “That is how it is”, regardless of reason, and that has an additional benefit of conserving one’s energy by not having to think about it in an attempt to justify one’s circumstances to oneself.
Acceptance is the permanent and universal cure to our temporary and changing circumstances.
We constantly seek security, whether it be money in the bank, owning as opposed to renting or job security. There is safety and comfort in permanence, or at least what we perceive as permanent. There are four factors to consider in our quest for the security of what we consider permanence:
- It indicates that we have no faith in the Divine or Universal Energy in providing for us as it has all along since we were conceived until we decided to take matters into our own hands.
- I feel the pursuit of permanence has an enslaving effect, and temporariness is liberating.
- Life itself is temporary, so it seems illogical to seek permanence in a temporary world.
- In the equation of life, there are many variables, and the only constant is change.
Is destiny pre-written or is the course of our lives in our own hands by virtue of our power of choice?
I believe destiny is the default setting, and choice is our ability to customize.
Life is like a game of cards; the hand you are dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will.
— Jawaharlal Nehru
It does not matter what one believes though. That would be akin to being concerned about the lock and neglecting the key. The key being acceptance of the situation, regardless of it being pre-destined or brought about by the exercise of our own choices.
What we believe, is of no consequence, if we do not use such belief to achieve the effect it is designed to deliver – that of acceptance of our situation.
Belief is a tool for achieving effects; it is not an end in itself.
— Peter Carroll
Anything and everything you hear from supportive family and friends, read in books or online, or understand through analytical thinking is moot, as those are no more than means to justify to your mind why things are the way they are. They are not solutions.
The bottom line, after you have changed what you can’t accept, is to ultimately make peace with your situation by accepting the culminating product of your choices.
Change what you can’t accept and accept what you can’t change.
When life is out of control, hopelessness sets in and one wonders how will life go on, remember the answer, “One day at a time”.
As long as one is motivated, the key to accomplishing any task that is overwhelming due to its magnitude, appears unattainable or beyond one’s ability, is, ‘one step at a time’.
If I were to plan to startup a hotel, I should only think of first taking up a job at one or doing a hotel management course. Or a smaller baby step, like researching where I want to study. Not think about hiring staff for my hotel, worry about potential competition or how to achieve occupancy. That would overwhelm me and would be counter-productive.
If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.
— His Holiness The Dalai Lama XIV
Worrying is worthless. When you stop focusing on what has already happened and what may never happen, then you’ll be in the present moment. Then you’ll begin to experience joy in life.
— Brian Weiss
Here’s a story – A couple were worrying about their upcoming journey that required them to cross a rickety makeshift bridge. From well before the journey and through the trip, they kept worrying if the bridge would give way when they would attempt to cross it. When they got to the bridge, they saw that the makeshift bridge had been replaced by a sturdy, permanent one. Thus their worrying was needless and they ruined their days and nights prior to and the entire journey over it. Hence they say,
Cross the bridge when you get to it.
When you’re feeling threatened by things that haven’t happened yet, remember these words:
Some of your hurts you have cured,
And the sharpest you still have survived,
But what torments of grief you endured
From the evil which never arrived.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
The concept of having one “special someone” in one’s life is a recipe for devastation that would result from when such person is no longer in one’s life. Instead we need to expand that circle to include everyone, even connecting with strangers. Draw larger circles so the world is one’s family. The more emotional intimacy we share with others, the happier will we be.
I believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. Happiness comes from:
(a) accepting unhappiness as being a part of life, not hating or fighting against it. Hate being a negative emotion causes more unhappiness. The fact that there are ups and downs in life like an electrocardiogram, is proof that one is living; without that one would flatline.
(b) being connected to other people, even strangers. Connection comes from intimacy. Intimacy comes from sharing, whether it be in the form of communication or being of service. The keys to communication and service, are honesty and compassion. If one is honest, one has nothing to hide, and thus being fearless removes any barriers to communication. Compassion helps us see and feel things from the other person’s point of view, hence the biblical saying,
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
“One great question underlies our experience, whether we think about it or not: what is the purpose of life? From the moment of birth every human being wants happiness and does not want suffering. Neither social conditioning nor education nor ideology affects this. From the very core of our being, we simply desire contentment. Therefore, it is important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of happiness.”
— His Holiness The Dalai Lama XIV
“I believe the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness. Whether one believes in religion or not, whether one believes in that religion or this religion, we are all seeking something better in life. So, I think, the very motion of our life is towards happiness…”
— His Holiness The Dalai Lama XIV, The Art of Happiness in a Troubled World
Women taunt men at large that they never grow up. Some make clever remarks like, “Age – few women admit theirs and few men act theirs”.
If men were to grow up mentally, they would no longer need things to play with or put in their mouth. So they would no longer need to pursue women. Love without physical intimacy, on the other hand, can be had in other types of relationships. Reproduction would be a medical procedure with child-ownership legal contracts and sperm and egg trading auctions replacing the romance industry. Needless to say, women would lose their only leverage over men and the edge to make sarcastic remarks as a form of entertainment.
If men (and women) were to grow up spiritually, they would not crave the affection and emotional intimacy of one “special someone”.
So, do women really want men to grow up? Of course not. Men are most advantageous as dependent children.
If there is fondness and trust in a relationship, care and respect follow. It is like breathing, one does not even have to think about it, let alone make an effort.
If, for example, a man commits an indiscretion, the fondness, trust, care and respect can be interrupted. While a woman in an oppressive relationship has the right to squelch the excesses of a man, when a woman takes her rights too far and stoops to herself committing excesses by taking drastic measures, one thinks such rights be damned, that divest a woman of her sacred emotions like forgiveness, compassion, sacrifice and devotion.
We have broken homes when the glue of forgiveness, compassion, sacrifice and devotion that binds people with fondness, trust, care and respect is diminished due to one, usually due to haste or vengeance, being focused on one’s rights as opposed to one’s duties.
Education has given us a scenario of knowledge without good sense, rights without duties, spending without earning and utilitarian relationships without love and care.
All suffering is caused by ignorance. People inflict pain on others in the selfish pursuit of their own happiness or satisfaction.
— His Holiness The Dalai Lama XIV
Happy Children’s Day, with my, as always, sincere wishes that with every parent focusing on their duties instead of their rights, every child has the amazing parents that they deserve.
It is “normal” practice for separated or divorced parents to share children, much like time-sharing of real property. This practice is “justified” by the belief that children are resilient and as such will “adjust” in time to being shunted like chattel between the parents who own them.
Why should the child be made to “adjust”? It is the parents’ job to sacrifice for the sake of their children, not ask it of their children. Getting a child to adjust is child abuse, and the justification is obviously a workaround to believe and make society at large believe that there is no abuse.
Why does the law support such injustice? Obviously because either the lawmakers themselves might be separated or divorced parents or ill-advised by professionals who in turn might be separated or divorced parents engaged in such a practice themselves. There certainly are no children consulted in framing such laws, lest the law work against parents who might be judges, lawyers or the average taxpayer.
Law in general does not permit the exercise of one’s rights in violation of the rights of another. But not so in Family Law. The parent or parents choosing to separate or divorce are permitted to exercise their right/s impeding upon the rights of the child. Unless one or both of the parents advocate the child’s rights, no attempt is made to discover the child’s views or wishes. And even so, depending on the age of the child, little to no consideration is awarded for what the child desires as an outcome for his or her own life and no real attempt is made to ascertain what the child’s wishes are. So even at best it is an uphill battle for a child.
Tomorrow is born out of today. You reap what you sow. It is ludicrous to surmise that a child who is unhappy today with being herded like cattle between the parents would miraculously be happy tomorrow.